Lessons

Everything in life is a lesson. Everything. There is no side of the coin that you don’t learn something. And, everything is an opportunity for extending grace. Everything.

Some of it isn’t blatant. It is actually the less glaring moments you have to be watchful for. For it is in those subtle moments that you may stumble the hardest.

So what am I talking about? Well, as is the case lately, I am speaking of the events that have unfolded in the last couple of weeks. Am I once again going to speak about Erin? No. I am speaking about other family members and friends. Responses and reactions. There in lays the opportunity to extend grace on ALL sides. There in lies the lesson.

First off, people have been wonderful. Their hearts have definitely been in the right place. In some cases the reactions have been clumsy but that is ok. When people have not experienced a similar situation it is only natural to not know how to respond. Without meaning to many people fall into the default response of how they think a situation “should” be handled. Or they hold onto a notion of what they “think” is taking place and respond with that instead of what the hard facts are. That is understood and there is our opportunity to extend grace. We keep looking at the heart instead of what is unintentionally played out. We love everyone for trying to do what they think is right.

So lets generalize for a moment the typical. Lets start with the “shoulds”. This can also be the “what shouldn’t”. You have heard it said many times, maybe even from your own lips, “Well you should do this” or maybe the “You shouldn’t feel that way.” These statements are usually made in desperation of not knowing what to do or say so a person tries to draw out a blueprint of responses that makes them more comfortable. It then discounts the persons feelings and the situation in which the one finds them self who is the one who is IN the circumstance that brings about this conversation in the first place. (This sentence actually passed the grammar checker LOL) So, what is the lesson learned here? When offering a shoulder to one in need, eliminate the word “should” or any derivative of the word from your vocabulary. It is best to let the person share their reality in an atmosphere of love and acceptance than to let our own discomfort try to paint an alternative reality. Often times there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can be said to make the situation better. Sometimes just listening is the best thing to do. And for that person in the position of need the lesson is…..listening with the heart and not our flesh.

Now, for the part about what people think or perceive the situation to be. That one is trickier. Some people, no matter how well intentioned they are, are not gifted with the ability to listen. Do I think it is hopeless for those of us who might be like that? No. I think we all have the ability to be better listeners. It takes awareness and practice.

How often has this happened to you? You are trying to tell someone how you are feeling but they keep interjecting with a different twist to what you are saying. It is like you are being directed into another level that isn’t even pertinent to what you are saying. But the more they direct the conversation the more skewed their perception of the situation is. It is as if their ears have totally picked out only those words from what you are saying that draw out their conclusions. No matter what way you look at this, this is poor listening skills. It is kind of on the same principle as when people take snippets of scripture to back up their views and eliminating the context and Gods view. But, if we can stop and be aware when we do this and really open ourselves up to listening, as we should with Gods word also, then we have opened ourselves up to revelation and to be used in a positive godly way for the situation.

So what is the lesson in this one? Exactly flipped from the previous one. That person listening to the person in need has to open their heart to listen and not their flesh and the person in need has to resist the reaction of frustration of how they think the person “should” be listening. Do you get what I’m saying?

So, why am I bringing this up? Well my children have come to me with questions about peoples responses. It has been a great opportunity for us all to pause, pray and discuss. They have had concern over other peoples perceptions but through discussion they now see that it is not other peoples perceptions we need to concern ourselves with. And that we must always be careful of our own inclination towards skewed perceptions. As I said before…everything in life is a lesson.

So what do I say in conclusion? How about that I love all of you for your concern and thank you for your efforts. Even when those efforts are sometimes flawed in the translation… just as I know you love me in my glaringly flawed ways. We all are students in this life. I tend to be the nearsighted one sitting in the back of the room behind the tall kid so I don’t get to see the chalkboard much. Regardless, I feel I’ve learned something today. Thank you Lord.