Christmas lights

Well this is what Zoe, with a help from a couple others in the house, was able to accomplish on the outside of our house this year. I think she/they did a great job.

Sandy Cove

So, here is Bob and I this past weekend while we were at Sandy Cove. If you have never been there it is an absolute must that you make a point of doing so. It is a truly uplifting time. I really hate how I look in photos. Blech. What's with the hair that day and am I a cheshire? Bob was really ill all weekend but he still managed to look great.

One of the things I conquered over the weekend was my fear of heights. Check it out, I went up Pikes Peak this summer and now I'm doing the swing at Sandy Cove. This puppy is between 30-35 feet high. The men couldn't tell me for sure. It felt like 50. I don't know what overcame me....I just wanted to not be enslaved by this fear anymore. Oh, I was plenty scared the whole time I was up there but the point is that fear is no longer controlling me.

It is my understanding that our friends Jen and Tony took video of this moment and plan on using it in call to worship this Sunday at church as a demonstration of faith. I'm told there will be sound. This might not be good. LOL

The weekend was about accepting and embracing the fact that our spouses our "different" from us. Oy, they have no idea how true that is with Bob and I. We are night and day different but those are the very things that attracted us to one another in the first place. Funny how over time one wants to change that very thing about each other. LOL Even though that man of mine wears on my last nerve sometimes I would still not want my life to be without his flavor. He is my spice.

We booked a suite this time down at Sandy Cove. This was what we got to watch from our balcony. Is this not the prettiest sunset?

Hoping to be on track writing soon. Love to all!!!

Time to get serious

Well I have been neglecting my blog haven’t I? I blame it partly on Facebook. In facebook I can give a one line blip and be done. Not well thought out or sharing all that much which kind of makes it a McBlog drive thru. Not exactly a healthy alternative.

Health seems to be on my mind lately. Had my blood pressure done at church Sunday only to find out it was high. I truly thought it was going to be normal. I’m on meds for crying out loud. But no, it surprised me being at 162/102. If this is my new normal I don’t like it. It made me go home and really think about what I have been doing to myself. I’ve had no discipline or motivation to do what is right regarding my health. I’ve been lazy and taking the easy way out. In a nutshell I talk a good talk with my kids about responsibilities but I have tripped and fell hard in the walk. There is a whole big reason I even mention that but I will not go into it here.

Anyway, immediately on Monday I started Weight Watchers again. Yep, counting points and all. I had to go to the grocery store special for some healthy foods. Apparently I never made a point of having the fresh stuff here as a standard and whole grains were something you fed livestock. The first day was tough but it has gotten easier with each day and doggone if I’m not getting excited about this. Something I cannot say I have had in the last five years of attempting diets. I just know this time I’ll make it. No need to believe me since I’ve said this so many times before. It is enough that I believe it and at some point you’ll get to say “Wow, she did it”.

I’ve given myself a week to let my body adjust to the new and limited foods and then Monday I start WW Walking challenge. Add some Wii Fitness to that and the weight machine and I’m hoping to be sexy by spring. LOL

Oh, and I did something else. Yesterday I decided to also begin getting rid of the frumpy me. I have let myself go in more ways then weight. My girls and I were talking about how we just don’t feel very feminine and how it is our faults for not being feminine. So, I tossed all my old make-up, which was wrecking my eyes anyway, and went in for a consult and bought all new make-up. Then, I went and got my hair cut. Yep, the frugal lady who said having long hair would save more money has decided if it makes you feel and look frumpy about yourself it just wasn’t worth the piddly savings. I may even go back to coloring it too if I can convince my family to let me. They all insist the grey is better. Hmmmm.

Those two steps made me feel pretty good. Bob and I went shopping last night though and I tried on some clothes. What is it about department store lighting and mirrors? I knew I looked bad at home but the conditions they present make me look even worse. I would think good business sense would be to give the customer more flattering lighting. Anyway, it just gave me another reason to be doing this besides health. I want my hubby to be able to look at me with the twinkle he used to.

Well, time to get moving. Movement…..it’s a beautiful thing.

Cold meds and jumbled thinking

The cold bug is taking hold of the house here. I am still battling the nasty little bugger and now Perry has been stricken down with it. Bob is starting to show signs himself but he never complains. He could have a ruptured spleen and we’d never know about it. You just kind of have to watch for the signs. Whether it is an old wives tale or not I am making up a big pot of chicken soup today. Couldn’t hurt right?

The weather is now at a point where I have to start a fire every morning. It also needs to be made every night before bed but last night by the time I got home from my meeting I was wiped and this is where Bob was showing those “signs” of not feeling too well himself because he opted to not build a fire himself. He isn’t prone to laziness and he definitely likes to save money so I know he would have built one if he had felt more energy.

Still reading up on the economy. Still depressing. And more people are losing their jobs. We know a number of them. Scary stuff. We continue on our path of thriftiness as a foundation for the what-ifs. Even our trip to Wisconsin was done very thrifty. We cashed in hotel points so we only had one nights worth to pay for and packed a cooler of food and one of beverage instead of frequenting restaurants. We did use restaurants five times but they were thrifty too. We felt pretty good about how cheaply we managed a weeks trip. It was less than just myself on my trip to Colorado in September.

The kids have recognized the importance of watching the pennies too. Perry had been concerned he wasn’t going to have the money for tuition again but the outlook is improving and he is feeling more confident about this. It has meant working more hours and spending way less than he used to but he is seeing it pay off. And the girls keep trying to bank every dollar they can. I am so glad they are not of the “entitled” set.

Even with illness and financial concerns there is still beauty all around us. We just need to open our eyes and appreciate it so it sinks in and transforms us. Here is yet another picture from Wisconsin. I love autumn.

Wisconsin

So, I just got back from a week in Wisconsin. I brought back a souvenir cold. It is the hardy Northwood’s Wisconsin variety and I question the ability for the east coast to handle it. You have to have strong Scandinavian blood running through your veins with enough bohemian to make it interesting.

Bob and I made this trip in the Yaris affectionately known as Lary. (Little Red Yaris) It is the car we purchased when gas prices started to climb and Bob is a commuter. He went from driving a truck that got 16 mpg to Lary who can give out 40mpg. Now we love that little Toyota but I have to say, for a car that is good on gas it is extremely hard on the ass for long distance. We got through it though and at a fraction of the cost it normally would have cost and we are nothing if not tightwads.

We both enjoyed our time with both of our mothers. We saw mine in the far north and were able to get some details taken care of for her that she has been wanting me to take care of for her for some time now and we saw Bob’s mother in Door County at an amazing rental property on Lake Michigan that his brother rented for a week and a half. In that case all his brothers and sister were able to make it so it was a whole family gathering with the exception of some grandkids.

We took advantage of the peak fall color time to drive around and get pictures of the autumn glory. I am a kid at heart when it comes to fall, I just love walking through the woods kicking up the leaves to just smell the season. Is there anything better?

Except for developing the cold the trip was nearly perfect. Bob and I enjoyed each others company greatly and had many good laughs. Oh, and we found the worlds greatest truck stop to eat too. If you are ever on highway 51 take exit 205, you won’t regret it. To pass the time we also grabbed real estate mags to peruse through while driving. Half way through one of them Bob was trying to figure out how one in the telecommunication field could possibly make a living in the Midwest. He would love to move back. I must admit…I miss the Midwest too. The whole pace of life is different. Plus it would be nice to be near family again. God will take us where God wants us or keep us where He wants us. I just pray we open our hearts to His will.

So now we are back home. I missed the kids terribly. It was great to get back to them and hear all their stories of what happened with them during the week. In fact the last couple of days have just been filled with conversation with them. Is it possible they missed us too? I am grateful, ever so grateful for family and home.

The picture is one we took on our journey. Isn't Wisconsin beautiful?

Tidbits

Isn’t October pretty? It has to be my favorite month. Yes, people can have favorite months, it’s allowed. As a kid I probably liked it only because it closed with guarantee of a bag full of candy but as an adult it is simply because it is so gorgeous. Be it the colors the scents or the fact it is the beginning of snuggle weather, it is just wonderful. This month feels like a gift.

I’ll tell you one thing, the cooler weather is making it easier to do the exercise. Big girls don’t like heat. At least this big girl doesn’t. It has helped make my choice a bit more comfortable. I never did finish sharing about the weight choice last night. It is choice. It feels exactly like it did when I made the choice to quit smoking all those many years ago. Just like I finally saw how damaging the cigarettes were for me I have come to the same realization about Hershey bars. Time to step away from the buffet and belly up to the treadmill. I have some travel coming up and I even have planned to pack some hand weights with me so I can continue what I’ve started while on the road. I know from history if I let myself lax at all I will be right back to my unhealthy actions. This feels good. I also prayed about this and I can feel God giving me the strength to follow through. Praise goes to God.

The one tricky part of my goal is the word “diet”. I am watching my portions and am being a bit more selective about what I eat BUT……there is always one to be found….I’ve not been able to follow a structured diet in some time. Even Weight Watchers caused problems for me. The doctors are not sure why but every time I start the “diet” part of weight loss my potassium levels fall and I start teetering with seizure symptoms. Now what good is a diet if you end up flopping around like a flounder on the pavement? Not very attractive. So I’ll do what I can and try to be patient with that. Patience is NOT one of my gifts. OY!

Haven’t mentioned our budget lately. Well it is going just grand. We started the envelope system a month ago and all the credit cards are back to zero balances and we haven’t gone over on any of our categories. Bob looked like he might develop a tick the first few weeks without a credit card but now he has settled into the plan quite comfortably I think. It feels safe to account for all our incoming and outgoing. Before we just kind of bought what we bought without a lot of thought. We just figured we pay everything as we should so why worry? Well we should worry because we were not being good stewards and also saving like we should. Doing what we are now will give us the emergency savings we need and more to invest later on. Don’t even get me started on investments right now. Oy, the stock market.

Kelsey, our resident hippie and environmentalist, has discovered the book “Reuses”. Now this book was written in 1982, most of what they have you recycling in there isn’t even around anymore. Things such as pull tabs. Ahhh….the 70’s. Her excitement level rose when she saw that they recycle neckties by making them into skirts. You’ve already figured out that Kelsey has gone through Bob’s necktie collection haven’t you? I will keep you posted on her progress and hopefully will have a picture in a week or so for you.

Well I guess I have been just jabbering here with not much to say. Just kind of a grocery list of thoughts and doings. Nothing deep and profound…..just content and warm.

Here is praying the same for every one of you. HUGS!!!

Weighty Issues

Okay, I’ve made up my mind to do something about this first grader I have attached to my butt and thighs. That is how much extra weight I am carrying around. Good grief the family gene pool runs deep and THICK in this area. My father died at age 53 from a heart attack. I really truly believe it was largely in part to the fact that he was an obese man. Couple that with his type A personality and you have a powder keg. BOOM! Well I’m 48 you do the math. I have dreams of being around for the day I become a grandmother God willing. I’d like to see all four kids grown and married…God willing. I’d like to make it to a 20 year wedding anniversary for the first freaking time. LOL Again, God willing.

So what got me started? Stacking wood this week. I was reintroduced to muscles I had forgotten I had. So now I want to build some momentum with that. I’ve even started using that torture machine disguised as fun the Wii Fit. It looks so innocent and easy until you get a lard butt like mine up on it. OY! And it has become a source of amusement for my teens to watch me struggle on it. I’m thinking the humiliation will be character building as well.

Anyway, I am now keeping a progress ticker onsite so that it gives me an accountability of sorts. I could care less if I get the bod I had when I was 20, I just want to be able to see 60.

Some People Who Make Me Smile~of course this isn't ALL of them

Slideshow

The BIG Bang!

Erin sent some pictures about how she spent part of her day yesterday. I did get her permission to post these before doing so. Doesn't this make the typical day at the office seem a little less dramatic?

A quote from my daughter: "Yesterday I got to go blow up crap. We had to dispose of 4000 40mm grenades. Oh, it made such a sweet fireball and a nice boom. The crater it left was probably a good 4 feet deep and 8 feet across. There is nothing like playing with a little C-4 to make your day just a little bit better. LOL"

Blessed

What a beautiful morning. My old body is screaming in pain over the labor of the last few days, which just speaks loudly to how out of shape I am, but my heart is pushing forward with the tasks at hand. I thrive in the autumn season. Which, at my age, I am living out now as well.

The morning was indeed cool enough that I got to build the first fire in the stove this morning. The whole house is getting a cozy feel and smells absolutely wonderful. I’ve been hanging laundry out on the line watching the steam rise off the wet clothes in the chill while tendrils of perfect smoke are curling out of the chimney making the whole outdoors even more delicious in the autumn scents. I have to walk past the woodpile on my way to the lines and I make a point of deeply inhaling as I do that earthy, woodsy, musty smell that I wish they could bottle. Yum.

Kelsey is a bit concerned over the fire in the stove right now given this is her cat, Pickles, first introduction to fire. I’m fairly confident that given Pickles’ demeanor and curiosity that we will be seeing singed whiskers before the close of the week. The dogs are already vying for who gets to lie in front of the stove.

In an email from Erin the other day she was celebrating the fact that the temperatures had dropped below 100 that day. It actually got as low as 95. She said you would be amazed at how comfortable that temp is after living in 120 degree days. Can you even imagine? Add to that the fact that they are covered head to toe in the uniforms and Oy vey!! Is it no wonder that her number one request of items to send her is body spray.

Erin turns 27 next Tuesday. To those of you nice enough to think such a thought….yes, I am that old that I have a child that age already. Twenty-seven was a good year for me even with all that happened that would appear to have been negative. It was the year I can look back and see the hand of God at work. I didn’t give my heart to Jesus until I was almost 42 but it was the beginning at 27. It was then I had God in mind and felt Judaism was my link. Funny thought process. But through it all……..I did finally make it. Even with all the valleys I’ve journeyed through….it has been a blessed journey with God.

New Stuff

Hey Ya'll....don't forget to periodically look up and down the left side of the page. I've begun adding little links (Crown Ministry feed for one) and I have a poll you can all give feedback to and now I also have some YouTube with one of my newest funny ladies Mrs. Hughes. I even set it up so you now can subscribe to the blog. (Lets see how THAT works out)

Like I said...check once in awhile and see what has been added.

Hugs!!!

Ordinary?

It has been a satisfying day thus far. I pray for the remainder to be likewise. After finishing my morning coffee I threw on some work clothes and headed to the backyard to tackle the other half of the woodpile that needed stacking. We ordered two cords of wood this year and the gentleman we ordered it from prides himself “on a FULL cord of wood and it ALL being oak”. His full is overflowing bless his heart. So the rest of the first cord was stacked this morning with another cord to arrive probably within a week or so.

It felt good outside that early. I had to throw on a barn jacket to find some comfort especially since Zoe and I were seeing our breath as we labored. I have always enjoyed piling wood. Bob thinks I’m a bit whacked in the head but there is something so satisfying about being outside and working the muscles putting up something that is meaningful and necessary. It helps with the heating bill and the added bonus is it just plain makes the house cozy and inviting to have a fire built. Plus who cannot love the smell of the cut wood on a crisp fall morning?

I had already finished dishes and general housework before starting on the woodpile and once done with that I took on making some bread and some pumpkin bars. The girls always yell out “I love you’s” when I get to baking up a storm like that. I don’t dare tell them I had considered making caramel rolls too but by then the ache in my arm muscles was making it hard to lift my coffee cup to my lips. The rolls will wait until later in the week.

I got to thinking about the word “ordinary”. I even looked up the definition to reinforce my thought process. Take the time to look it up yourself. Then ask yourself why we ever came up with such a ridiculous word. How can it possibly be used in ones life? There is nothing “ordinary” about any given day. Right from the start you never know what you are going to wake up to and you know from experience that every sunrise is unique. You never know who will cross your path throughout the day or what news will make itself known. As hard as the weather men try to predict the weather it is always a grab bag of surprises. There might be a new person you meet or a maybe a new flavor of ice cream is found in the freezer section. Hey, a rock may hit the windshield or a stray cat scoots up to the window to say hello while you are busy with school. See, everything, no matter how one may think it is trivial, insures us that there is nothing “ordinary” about our day. Just like there is nothing ordinary about each one of us. We are all unique and gifted in our own special, God given ways and have the ability to make effects to the days and people around us anything but ordinary. In fact…with that in mind, the only way “ordinary” can be used…..is in how extraordinary every day and person is.

They say it is going to drop to the 30’s tonight. I can’t wait. I’m itching to build a fire to snuggle up next to.

Erin finally sent pictures so here is one!!!

Erin is the one on the right.

RE~Conditioning

Is this weather AMAZING or what? I actually woke up needing to wrap a robe around me this morning because of the chill. Oh, this is my absolute FAVORITE!! It must be a carry over from my Wisconsin days. I love chill. We even threw the ancient quilt we own on the bed last night. Yum. I slept like I haven’t in ever so long.

So, where is my head or heart today? Ya know, it is still traipsing through the economy issues of late. We had our woman’s group last night which is supposed to be talking about really intense issues on our heart but we kept veering into speaking about the economy. It is very much on everyone’s minds these days I think. I don’t think we are reacting to the Chicken Little sky is falling arena. I think people are just genuinely concerned about where all of this might lead us based on history and events. As one of my ladies pointed out though, those of us who have been trying to lead a frugal aware lifestyle will probably not be as adversely affected as others. I thought about that when I got home and I think the main reason that is so true is that the mindset is more difficult to change than the source of income. It is very hard for some people to give up the fluff in their life because they really feel they are entitled to these luxuries and that somehow their self worth is wrapped up in the acquisition of the extras. It is all part of the societal conditioning brought on by really effective advertisement agencies. They do medical studies on what our brain does when on drugs, I wonder what would show up if they did these same studies when people are watching commercials on tv that are working their hypnotic magic on our brain? Acquisition…..the next addictive fix.

My son is currently displaying part of the acquisition issues. He is in need, genuine need, of a new pair of sneakers. He needs something with good support because he spends many hours on his feet and at 6’5” that is a lot of pressure point on those poor footsies of his. He has been running around for two days looking for the right shoes. Now, understand, right to him is not just finding shoes that fit the bill for the support he needs for a job, right also means they have to look GOOD and not be a dorky off brand. Where have I failed this boy? He was raised in the kingdom of dorkdom and now he rebels? So he is now thinking he may “just have to suck it up” and pay close to $100.00 for the shoes that he finds acceptable. Given my tightwad way of looking at things I could buy five pairs of dorky sneakers for $100.00 and I would and do choose to go dorky over the conditioned response of having the “right” shoe. I will give them credit; the ad agencies do earn their money. If he keeps shopping like that I am beginning to wonder if he ever really plans on moving out on his own. Is this a sign of failure to launch??? LOL

I don’t know, maybe Bob and I are just way more aware of these sorts of things because we are just a stones throw away from retirement and we don’t relish the idea of living out of a refrigerator box. I lived out of my car once for a three month period. It gives you a unique perspective on what is important and what is expendable on the old list of priorities. Lets just say that list gets completely restructured.

Still, even with that experience behind me I still find myself surrounded by the “stuff” I kvetched about in a previous post. Granted, it is a household of five but still I grew up in a household of six and we never had a third of what I now find myself living with. But enough of that old horse.

Right now we are living under a self imposed challenge to see just how little we can buy. All our purchases are thought out and considered and they must fit under the category of “need”. It is amazing how little we have bought this month since starting it the 1st. Actually placing oneself under this challenge brings on an awareness of the physical yearnings are body go through when we want something. There are actual urges to contend with and resist. Thus my previous statements about addiction. Some of it is about the “want” reflex and other parts are the lazy part of who I am that kicks in wanting to purchase something, say dinner out as an example, because it is just so much easier. But is it? What are the long term ramifications? The list is long and is not limited to the financial. It also extends to who we are and our value systems. Am I willing to sell out for a lobster dinner? I’ve done it for less….(I’m a hot wing freak)

So, what am I going to do about my thoughts and feelings about this? Well, take it a day at a time for one. Continue this challenge we have placed ourselves under and watch to see where it takes us as people and as a family. Pray my kids (special prayer for sneaker boy) that they will have their eyes opened sooner to this epidemic we live under than it took for we parents. And as always, count our blessings daily. If we consistently look for and are thankful for the blessings… there is never room enough for the emptiness of want because we will see how full we already are. Mull that statement over and all its complexities. It will make your brain hurt.

Comment issues

Okay, I have had some friends say they are leaving me comments but not seeing them show up. I did some double takes on the settings and also discovered that at the end of each entry there are two choices. You can click on "comment" to leave a comment to be posted IN the blog for others to see or you can click on the envelope which then sends me an email that is for my own personal viewing and not for the blog. Does that make sense??? Hope this helps anyone who has been frustrated with the process.

Hugs!!!!
~Theresa

A New Day

I actually feel somewhat normal today. Granted, my reference point for “normal” is probably a bit different from other folks but dang if I don’t feel “my” normal. It feels good. I even took time to appreciate and give thanks for a gorgeous sunrise this morning. I was sitting there reading scripture when the room started taking on this reddish pinkish tone and when I looked out the dining room window this is what I was met with. Isn’t that amazing?

Erin has her email up and running finally which means we are able to stay in consistent touch with one another now. That makes a world of difference in my sphere of being. The other three are doing well. Perry has finally adjusted to his new position at work and is managing to balance school and woman without killing himself in the process. The girls are adjusting to school and Zoe has decided to become a member of the church and Kelsey begins her membership classes today. Bob is working like a fiend, as usual, and is now prayerfully considering taking on another task at church. One he is feeling led to and that he thinks may actually be enjoyable. I, on the other hand, am just trying to do well with what I already have on my plate. When and if God directs me to something else I know He will provide what I need to do it. In the meantime…….I’m coasting.

The stock market and economy news yesterday was a bit unsettling. Makes me glad we are doing the frugal/tightwad budget at the moment. LOL I am SO glad we don’t carry a lot of debt. I feel for the people who do and are being affected by all these events lately. I read one report yesterday that said house values could drop as much as 30%. That is a serious ouch. Still, I am grateful that our homes value would still be more than what we owe. We have been pretty diligent about paying extra on the principle and now I’m feeling the benefits of that greatly. Just our not trying to keep up with the Jones’s in general has been a blessing. At times we squawked and whined about not doing or having like everyone else but as a result we do have a bit more breathing room if the days ahead become even harsher for our economy. God is good….all the time.

The temperatures have started to go back down. Praise God. I know I have no right to complain about heat given my dear daughter is in the “big sand box” as she likes to call it, battling 110-120 degree days. So, I won’t complain here. I will just express my gratitude for the cooler days ahead. The hills are even showing a hint of wanting to start changing colors. Autumn….my favorite season. I’m even looking forward to the delivery of our firewood for the season and for the labor of stacking it. There is something about stacking wood that is so satisfying and centering. And then nothing compares to that first fire of the season lit in the stove. Kelsey is already dreaming of getting the pie irons out for pudgy pies.

You know what, it isn’t “normal” I feel today…..it’s full. I have so many blessings in my life….my cup indeed overflows. Praise God.

PS~Answered prayer

Ok, I had a rough start to the day. But, I got feedback from my ever patient Pastor, a phone call from a childhood friend who ALWAYS knows how to make me smile and the pinnacle to the whole thing is that I got a call from Erin!! It may have been only a five minute call but it is amazing how healing it was to hear her voice. She claims she is hot and that the only local critters she has spotted so far is a lizard. Her temporary home while a guest in Iraq is a tent and she says the chow is good.

God is good....ALL the time!!!

Fear and prayer

I’ve had a few people recently say to me “I don’t know how you do it. How do you get through the days?” Their tone implies that they think I’m actually successfully getting through these days. I’m not. I barely get one foot in front of the other. There is an automatic pilot that takes over but most of the time there is no flight plan entered. I am falling horribly short of what I should be doing.

I think what really immobilizes me is the projecting out. I keep telling myself it will be better when. That “when” can be any number of things. When she gets to Iraq didn’t last because now that when has turned into when she calls or writes. Or maybe the when is weight loss or savings goals or, or….you fill in the blank of when you have had a when. I’m so focused on that future event to center me again that I am losing my here and now.

I turn to prayer and scripture constantly and while I am in those two activities I find comfort but shortly afterwards I lose my place again and wallow in the when. Does it boil down to a lack of faith? Trust? Why do I keep veering into that shadowed place in my mind?

My son hit on something this past weekend that he has me softly treading in my mind about. He was wondering if maybe I hold onto them, my children, as tightly as I do because I am afraid of losing the first true love I ever experienced. I’ve even told Erin, my oldest, that she was my first perfect day ever the day she was born. The birth of the other three were my other perfect days. I’m sure most parents can relate to that feeling. But is it possible that I have placed my love for them and the love I receive from them above the love of God?

God blessed me with four exceptional children. Kids I rarely have to brag about because other people are doing it for me. That is how incredible they are. That is Gods doing. All of it. Why He saw fit to bless me with these four and to trust them in my care is beyond my understanding. I’ve always been such a screw up, why trust me God? Why take a woman with nothing and give her everything? Is that the core of why I am so afraid of losing them? Forgive me Father for my weakness. For my fears. For a faith that is in its embryonic stage of development. Father you know I did not have parents who loved me and cared for me so maybe I love and care for my own children with too much intensity. And you also know Father that I also do not know how to be a dependent child with a childs trust. Everytime I think I’m almost there I snatch it back like it is a lifeline when in reality it is an anchor on my soul. Please Lord, only you can give me the strength to release my fears. My words are lame and confused Lord. Please look into my heart and see what is there. I surrender to you Lord. And I thank you for loving me and my children more than I will ever comprehend. For loving us so much that you gave your own Son because of that love. I love you Father. Amen

Lessons

Everything in life is a lesson. Everything. There is no side of the coin that you don’t learn something. And, everything is an opportunity for extending grace. Everything.

Some of it isn’t blatant. It is actually the less glaring moments you have to be watchful for. For it is in those subtle moments that you may stumble the hardest.

So what am I talking about? Well, as is the case lately, I am speaking of the events that have unfolded in the last couple of weeks. Am I once again going to speak about Erin? No. I am speaking about other family members and friends. Responses and reactions. There in lays the opportunity to extend grace on ALL sides. There in lies the lesson.

First off, people have been wonderful. Their hearts have definitely been in the right place. In some cases the reactions have been clumsy but that is ok. When people have not experienced a similar situation it is only natural to not know how to respond. Without meaning to many people fall into the default response of how they think a situation “should” be handled. Or they hold onto a notion of what they “think” is taking place and respond with that instead of what the hard facts are. That is understood and there is our opportunity to extend grace. We keep looking at the heart instead of what is unintentionally played out. We love everyone for trying to do what they think is right.

So lets generalize for a moment the typical. Lets start with the “shoulds”. This can also be the “what shouldn’t”. You have heard it said many times, maybe even from your own lips, “Well you should do this” or maybe the “You shouldn’t feel that way.” These statements are usually made in desperation of not knowing what to do or say so a person tries to draw out a blueprint of responses that makes them more comfortable. It then discounts the persons feelings and the situation in which the one finds them self who is the one who is IN the circumstance that brings about this conversation in the first place. (This sentence actually passed the grammar checker LOL) So, what is the lesson learned here? When offering a shoulder to one in need, eliminate the word “should” or any derivative of the word from your vocabulary. It is best to let the person share their reality in an atmosphere of love and acceptance than to let our own discomfort try to paint an alternative reality. Often times there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can be said to make the situation better. Sometimes just listening is the best thing to do. And for that person in the position of need the lesson is…..listening with the heart and not our flesh.

Now, for the part about what people think or perceive the situation to be. That one is trickier. Some people, no matter how well intentioned they are, are not gifted with the ability to listen. Do I think it is hopeless for those of us who might be like that? No. I think we all have the ability to be better listeners. It takes awareness and practice.

How often has this happened to you? You are trying to tell someone how you are feeling but they keep interjecting with a different twist to what you are saying. It is like you are being directed into another level that isn’t even pertinent to what you are saying. But the more they direct the conversation the more skewed their perception of the situation is. It is as if their ears have totally picked out only those words from what you are saying that draw out their conclusions. No matter what way you look at this, this is poor listening skills. It is kind of on the same principle as when people take snippets of scripture to back up their views and eliminating the context and Gods view. But, if we can stop and be aware when we do this and really open ourselves up to listening, as we should with Gods word also, then we have opened ourselves up to revelation and to be used in a positive godly way for the situation.

So what is the lesson in this one? Exactly flipped from the previous one. That person listening to the person in need has to open their heart to listen and not their flesh and the person in need has to resist the reaction of frustration of how they think the person “should” be listening. Do you get what I’m saying?

So, why am I bringing this up? Well my children have come to me with questions about peoples responses. It has been a great opportunity for us all to pause, pray and discuss. They have had concern over other peoples perceptions but through discussion they now see that it is not other peoples perceptions we need to concern ourselves with. And that we must always be careful of our own inclination towards skewed perceptions. As I said before…everything in life is a lesson.

So what do I say in conclusion? How about that I love all of you for your concern and thank you for your efforts. Even when those efforts are sometimes flawed in the translation… just as I know you love me in my glaringly flawed ways. We all are students in this life. I tend to be the nearsighted one sitting in the back of the room behind the tall kid so I don’t get to see the chalkboard much. Regardless, I feel I’ve learned something today. Thank you Lord.

Sharing

Today is a new experience. I awoke realizing my oldest is on the other side of the planet. Haven’t dealt with this one before. My sister-in-law has a daughter studying in France right now but they can call each other anytime they want. So…..even though it is kind of the same………

Had kind of a God moment take place yesterday. Erin was telling me how she now prays through Psalm 91 as an addition to what verses she already prays through. She prays through Ephesians 6:10-20 daily. I even read it aloud to the family after speaking with her. Then, later in the day, I had asked my Pastor what scripture was being read on the 21st when I am listed as worship leader. I startled my dear husband who was beside me when I got the answer with my gasp. It is Ephesians 6:13-15.

Ok, so where is my heart today? Ah duhhhh. But what else is there? I’ve been so wrapped around this one situation in our life that I haven’t been paying attention to anything else. It showed up in dinner last night. I was attempting to stay busy, you know, no idleness, so I wanted to make a blueplate dinner. So I made meatloaf, mashed taters, gravy, veggie and chocolate cake. Ok, first, I’m not the best cook in the world but I’m not the worst either. Last night I was toxic. My mind could not stay focused and as a result not only did I burn the meatloaf but I over baked the cake. The family lovingly ate the darn thing anyway with the only comment coming from Kelsey asking if there were supposed to be toasty, crunchy bits to the outside of the meatloaf. And the cake? Well it takes a few glasses of milk to get through.

Today will be the last day sitting around waiting for a call. Erin did call from Germany and said she would definitely call one more time today but could not tell me when that would be of course. So naturally I will stay put waiting for that call. I promised the girls it will not be like this for the four months Erin is gone. I think they were beginning to wonder.

So why are the phone calls so important? Well as Erin said, you want to hear the voices you know you will not be hearing for a long time is one of the reasons. I began to understand another level to it yesterday as well. There is this need to try to say everything you think needs to be said. Even while you are trying to say it all, every ounce of shared love and pride, every word of encouragement and support, that no matter how long you could be there sharing this all you still never feel like it is all said. I think there is a good reason for that. Words cannot possibly hold and convey it all. We are limited in our abilities. Love, which is God, is limitless. How can one possibly express it all? We can’t. But we also should never cease trying. Share it. Always. Never hold back.

While Erin is on the other side of the world fulfilling her duties I need to stay focused on my duties here on my side of the planet. I suppose I could get started.

Love you all!!!

Journey

Yesterday was the start of the journey for Erin which will ultimately end with her arriving at base in Iraq. All the horror stories heard about the screw ups that happen in travel arrangements when arranged by the military apparently are true. By the time I received her call last night at 11:30 pm she was a bit hot under the collar with all the mess ups. It started with her airline ticket not having been paid for down to not having a room for her and another female at Travis when they arrived. Oh, and it gets better. They flew them from Colorado to California right? Guess where they fly to today? Maine. They will be there long enough to refuel before heading to Germany. Are you scratching your head too?

Her day started yesterday with her picking up her M16. Yep, as in gun. The darn thing is probably as big as she is. She called me from the airport complaining because she had to be there so early and now she had a couple of hours to kill before her flight. I did remind her that stating you have a couple of hours to kill while standing in an airport with an M16 might not be in her best interest. She got a chuckle from that.

So, the nuts and bolts? The weekend was brutal. It hit me hard that she was leaving. It showed itself by my having misdirected anger and unreasonable fear. My dear husband was the target for the anger and my son was the lucky one to get my fear responses. In hindsight I wonder if they would have traded places?

Bob was great when he realized what was happening. Once I exhausted myself with the anger there was nowhere else to go but out of control crying. But that all happened after I had forced Perry to miss a date because I was too afraid of him traveling in questionable weather. The thought of two of my children in harms way was too much for me to take on. Suffice it to say it was a tough weekend for all.

Yesterday was difficult in that it was a waiting issue. Waiting for the phone to ring that is. There is that need to hear her voice as much as I can before she is finally out of reach. Is that a mama thing? I already miss her so much.

A friend from church sent home a pin she wore through her sons two tours overseas. She said it gave her comfort to touch it when it got rough for her. As much as I appreciate the sentiment behind the pin it is the understanding that is priceless. Here is another mother who felt the same things I am feeling now to reassure me I’m not going crazy and that it will be ok. It is easier to hear that from someone who has been there.

So, you might be asking me where is my faith in God throughout all this. Right beside me and the whole family. God understands anxiety. Did Jesus not sweat blood at Gethsemane? I’m thinking He has a lock on what I’m feeling and more. It is that assurance that makes it easier to tumble into His loving hands for comfort. It is knowing that Erin is doing the same. She even said last night that after getting off the phone with me she was going to grab her bible and find comfort there. THAT is the best thing to ever hear.

So, today is another waiting game. She is hoping she can call but there are no guarantees. So I will sit here patiently and hopefully. To even get a 15 second call will make the wait worth it. To hear her voice…….

Tomorrow? Well tomorrow we will ship out our first care package for her. We will begin to live our days as we always do only now we add to it. We gather up the tidbits of our days and we share them with Erin in emails and letters and in the small gifts we can send. We will concentrate on directing our focus to positives and not let our eyes wander from that.

Well it is time for me to get to task. Waiting does not mean idleness. Heaven forbid you couple those two together. Yikes.

Love to all!!!

Erin's Orders

Well we received news last night that Erin leaves on Monday for the first part of her trek to Iraq. Sooner than we thought but that isn’t unusual either. She will be traveling out of Travis instead of the east coast like we had hoped. From there it is either a stop in Hawaii or in Japan. She figures Japan is the more likely of the two but is hoping for Hawaii. From there it is on to the sandbox.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I thought I was ready for the news but when I got her call it took all I had to not cry until after we hung up. Then there was no stopping me. But…..it was just those tears one cries when you are going to miss someone deeply. I know in my heart she will be okay and that God has her in His capable, loving hands. I trust that.

Erin is about to cross a threshold that I can not. She is about to experience things I will never be able to understand or comprehend. I’ll always be her mother and will always be here for her but now when I offer my shoulder it will lack the ability of having traveled the same road so I can offer insight. That is kind of a strange realization. But there is one thing that never will lack and that is my unconditional love for her. I think she knows that too.

So, we have been already planning on what kind of packages we will be sending her. She has made some requests for certain books and I am going to do my best to gather up the necessary items. She has come to the conclusion that if ever there were a time to read through some book series these next four months are it. She is always thinking.

Her thought process of what to accomplish with her four months has me doing the same. I told her I want to be 20 pounds lighter when she sees me when she gets home. A GOAL!!! I also have various projects that need completion so I am hoping to do that as well. It is VERY apparent to me that idleness will be my enemy while she is away so I need to stay busy!! The clock will slow to a crawl otherwise and it will be hard enough having her so far away.

Every day I will pray through Psalm 91 for my baby girl. It brings peace.

Psalm 91 NCV

Those who go to God Most High for safety

will be protected by the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection.

You are my God and I trust you."

God will save you from hidden traps

and from deadly diseases.

He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you can hide.

His truth will be your shield and protection.

You will not fear any danger by night

or an arrow during the day.

You will not be afraid of diseases that come in the dark

or sickness that strikes at noon.

At your side one thousand people may die,

or even ten thousand right beside you,

but you will not be hurt.

You will only watch

and see the wicked punished.

The Lord is your protection;

you have made God Most High your place of safety.

Nothing bad will happen to you;

no disaster will come to your home.

He has put his angels in charge of you

to watch over you wherever you go.

They will catch you in their hands

so that you will not hit your foot on a rock.

You will walk on lions and cobras;

you will step on strong lions and snakes.

The Lord says, "Whoever loves me, I will save.

I will protect those who know me.

They will call to me, and I will answer them.

I will be with them in trouble;

I will rescue them and honor them.

I will give them a long, full life,

and they will see how I can save."

I'm Baaccckkk!

I had an AMAZING time out in Colorado with my lovely daughter Erin and her wonderful husband, my son-in-law, Jerry. Here is a picture of the two of them the day we ran through the Garden of the Gods. A most amazing place. I even saw a lady propelling down the rocks. I think that's what it was called. I mean really, it wasn't a free fall or nothing. But it made my toes curl and my stomach knot up then Erin announced that she too has done this. Argh!!!! Her fearless gene is a mutant one because that is not evident on either side of the family.

I flew in on the 22nd. So did every democrat from the nation. I flew back on the 29th. So did every democrat in the nation. It didn't help that McCain had announced his running mate that morning. The trip home was with cranky democrats. Denver airport is a bear during DNC.

Anyway, I digress. I flew in and we had a Packer preseason game to get to. I will mention right off that we WON!! High five and slap my butt!!! We had remarkable seats. My son-in-law is master at getting tickets. Don't think we had that great of seats? Well...we were in row 12 Packer side at the 20. Here is a picture to brag about. That's right folks, I took that picture and it was with a pocket digital and NOT Bob's space age Nikon with all the zoom technology. It was SO much fun seeing my boys up close and personal. I must add though that the Denver Bronco fans are a fun and friendly group. You don't see much of that on the east coast. Just friendly banter went back and forth. It was most pleasant.

By the time we got back to the house that night I had been up for 23 hours. Do you know what an old broad gets like with no sleep? Last time I stayed up that long was in my 20's and it was with the assist of beer and tequila. You'd of thought I would have slept in the next morning. Not this chronic isomniac. I was up at 5:30.

There was lots of running around every day. They took it easy on me Saturday and we garage saled. BARGAINS!!! I wish I had drove a moving truck there! Sunday we did brunch and mini golf. Monday I got a MASSAGE and we toured the AirForce Academy. Tuesday we went to Garden of the Gods and the Cliff Dwellings. Here is a picture of Erin inside one of the dwellings. They were fun. We even had Native Americans demonstrating their tradtional dance for us. And Wednesday.......Wednesday we went up to Pikes Peak!! You must keep in mind that I am terrified of heights. When we boarded the cog train and they had all the warnings about altitude sickness and everything I thought for sure I would be the one to embarass the kids and throw up on some unsuspecting fellow tourist. I am pleased to announce that I did NOT get sick and that I LOVED the whole experience!!! In fact I was giddy about it. It was like a God moment for me. All I could think as I watched the scene unfold before me as we climbed higher up that mountain is look at what God's mighty hand created.

Do you know you can not adequately take a picture to convey the height at which you are? It has to be experienced first hand. I encourage EVERYONE to make a point of going to a mountain summit at least once in your life. You'll never regret you did. Here is another picture of Erin and Jerry atop that wonderous mountain.

Oh, and do you know that when you get to the top they have DONUTS? Yum!! We are talking warm cake donuts and not those poor excuse for a pastry Krispy Creme yuckiness. These are what I remember Mama making when I was a wee one. Of course Jerry had to partake of their fudge too. They tell us calories don't count at 14,110 feet. We chose to go along with that little tidbit and lie. ANY excuse to eat right folks?

Are any of you doubting that I was actually at Pike's Peaks summit? Think I was too scared for such a venture? Well ahh hahh....I have picture proof. Here I am with Erin and I am thrilled and happy beyond description. Now for those of you that already know me....can you imagine what I might be like when my brain receives even less oxygen than it does now? A sidenote....the first two days I was back home I had so much energy from being back in oxygen it wasn't funny.

Saying goodbye to Erin at the airport was brutally hard. I had not cried that hard in some time. It got to a point Erin and Jerry had to leave the area or we would have stood their and bawled until I got all the way through security. People were looking at us funny. You know....democrats. But I am so glad I had this time with my daughter before she leaves and we were able to talk of important stuff and I have actually found peace about this all. Between having that time with her and praying Psalm 91 every single day since some dear friends at church turned me on to it I have a renewed hope and spirit about the situation. God is good....ALL the time!!! I look forward to flying back out to Colorado when Erin's tour in Iraq is done and this time the whole family will go and we will have a wonderful celebration.

So there you have it....a short recap of Theresa's vacation. It was WONDERFUL!!! Thank you Erin and Jerry!!! I love you both SO much!!!

Richness

I’ve been replaying memories in my head again of late. Thinking back hard on those growing up years, the early ones. It was apparent we were poor but at the same time there was always something to do so one really didn’t feel it all that strongly unless it was those horrible schoolyard comparisons that seemed to be so inevitable. Then I never measured up. At the time it bothered me. Today….not at all. We were a family just trying to survive. Hey, and we made it.

Some of the ways we had to go about making it weren’t things you went to talking about with others. It was just another way of drawing the lines of comparisons. But I do remember my parents receiving "commodities". I remember the cheese, peanut butter and karo syrup the most. The last two came in containers that looked like paint cans. The former was a huge block of crumbly cheddar. After the commodities there was a spell with food stamps. Oh how horrid that felt.

When I think back I can actually remember the articles of clothing I owned that were bought new. Otherwise the bulk of what we wore was all hand me downs from relatives and other families. I remember going all through first grade wearing boys dress shoes because that is what we had and they fit. Christmas was when we received new items of needed items. There would usually be one toy per kid to round off the Santa experience. Show-n-tell after Christmas break was always brutal. I’d see all these amazing toys that other kids got and would be scolded from the teacher for not bringing in my show-n-tell. I would take having her think I was just a forgetful child instead of telling her there really wasn’t anything to show. I never owned a Barbie, slinky, etch-a-sketch, magic 8 ball or any of those much sought after items of the time. It did kind of make me an outcast come play time. Maybe that is why I went so heavily into sports and tom-boy ways.

We heated with oil in the house in the earlier years and that particular house was drafty. Winters in northern Wisconsin can be brutal. The oil was used sparingly. I remember the winds picking up so bad you could see the linoleum lift up a bit on the floors because of the draft. During particularly harsh cold snaps my parents would heap atop our blankets in bed, all the winter coats and have we kids all in one bed to keep us warm at night.

Mom used to take in ironing. Weird to think someone could make extra coin doing that isn’t it? She had a few ladies from town who worked outside the home and had no time for ironing. So they would bring multiple baskets that she would pain stakingly make crisp and perfect. She tended to clothes we could only dream we owned. Our own laundry was always line dried because we didn’t own a dryer. Mom used to make sure to buy the laundry soap that had the free items in the box. I can’t remember the name of the brand, it was something like Oxydol or Duz. But the promotions would run items such as dishes, glasses or towels. We managed to acquire those items this way. Otherwise we were big users of jelly jars and such for our drinking glasses.

We had a HUGE garden every summer. I remember many hours out there weeding the thing. Dad had an OCD about weeds. He never even liked there to be foot tracks between the rows once the weeding was complete. The dirt was raked so perfect it looked like dark velvet. Come harvest time mom spent many hours canning up the goods so we would have the larder full to brimming for winter. We knew two families who had dairy cows and my folks bought raw milk from them cheap or would do a chore trade for it.

We ate well. No, we did not have any of those fun foods everyone else had such as the newly introduced convenience foods that were starting to make their way on store shelves, but mom was a good cook and made filling meals. Healthy? No. But filling. I especially liked baking day. Lots of cookies and breads and oh my did I love it when she made doughnuts. Our dinners were many soups and casseroles and made up, thrown together items that became favorite comfort foods. We used to even have butter and milk macaroni that was then fried up crunchy in butter. Sounds weird but it was good. That was an end of the month kind of meal when the pickin’s were getting slim before the next paycheck. Boxed cereals? Only as a rare treat. Otherwise it was oatmeal, cream of wheat or corn meal mush. I still like those items today.

We didn’t make much garbage back in those days. Everything, even packaging, found multiple uses. And we had a cobbler in town so even when dads shoes were wearing thin on the soles he would bring them in for fresh soles. Old man Ness. I remember his shop well and I loved the smell of it.

My folks didn’t own a car until I was probably close to 10 years old. Dad’s job was even within walking distance of home. Mom tells of how when I was born they had to borrow a car so she could get to the hospital in the middle of a snow storm. I’ve always liked my entrances to be memorable. LOL Mom never has had a drivers license.

We never took a family vacation. We would play in the snow in the winter and walk to the lake to swim in the summer. We would get the occasional treat of a cone at the local A&W and we visited with family who lived nearby. We had a book mobile that came to town and I used to devour that. And we just had the blessing of growing up in the prettiest country God placed down on earth. Lakes, rivers and streams were many and so many woods a body could easily step into them and within 5 minutes of walking not hear anything but nature. I had my collections that gave me pleasure in the looking at of them. Things like marbles so pure and true in their color they shined like jewels. Empty spools from thread, the kinds that were wood instead of todays plastic. They always sparked my imagination enough to create things from them. I made a whole family once with those and some scraps of yarn and fabrics. I had an empty ink bottle I had dug up out of the yard. Who knows how old it was. For me it came from a magical time. There was my worry stone. A beautiful round piece of sandstone I used to rub my thumb across when I was fretting about something and used it so often that it had a scoop to it from the rubbing. I had beads and trinkets found along the way. I really loved that old cigar box.

We had a television that got three channels on a clear day. Sometimes it took some aluminum foil around the rabbit ears and some tricky arranging of them there ears to get the channel in and if that didn’t quite get it sometimes the trick of turning the dial to the in between spot of the channels clinched it. Not a lot of time was spent at the tv.

I think back on all this and now I smile. Oh those conditions could have contributed to the anger often felt in the house at the time but I give my parents credit for raising four kids through it. Dad had a fourth grade education and was illiterate and mom got as far as eighth grade. Except for the ironing mom never worked outside the home. And dad had held two different jobs in all the time I knew him. He didn’t make much but it got us through.

As the years went by "things" started coming into the home. By then I was nearly out of the house and that dreaded beast the credit card came into being. When dad passed away he only left behind debt. Even his house went back to the bank. We divided up a few items from the house. I took a set of china we kids had bought my parents for their 25th wedding anniversary that my eldest daughter now has. And I took an old run down rocker that had belonged to my great-aunt that no one wanted. A few years ago Bob and Perry took that run down rocker and gave it a face lift. In fixing and restaining it Bob found the original tag on it. It was made in Superior Wisconsin in 1903. You should see how beautiful that chair is now. I consider it one of my treasures.

I feel bad for what my parents went through in the hardships but I am grateful and thankful to and for them also. Many of those experiences have shaped the kind of person I am today. It also prepared me for further hardships I would live in trying to raise my own kids in similar conditions of want. I have learned to not make the want my focus but instead the blessings that God pours out every day. I helped teach my kids about laughter. For all my shortcomings I know I gave them that gift. With that, bad times don’t have to be so bad and our poverty will only be in the possessions not of the soul. And, with that I plan on not leaving this planet in debt to creditors. I do plan on investing in my relationships.

Financially we are good. Great? No…but we settle for good just fine thank you. I think largely that is because we remember when. And we now have a sense of why. Not yesterdays whys…but todays and how that effects our tomrrows. That is not a bad place to be.

"Live simply so others may simply live"~Gandhi

Making a choice

When did I get old? It just kind of snuck up and blasted me. We got to looking at Bob’s and my wedding pictures the other day. Kelsey even made the comment of "Wow Mom you had great legs." "Had" being the key word to look at in that statement. When it came time for the garter toss I wasn’t shy about showing some thigh. I had it, I flaunted it. Now there is not enough yard goods to cover them up. I go through whole summers without wearing shorts in public and I pass up every opportunity to get into a pool. Between the knee surgeries, weight gain and arthritis….it ain’t pretty. I would not unleash this to an unsuspecting public.

Ok, so my legs have gone south in looks but they also just plain don’t want to function proper. That first step onto the floor in the morning is a painful one. It takes a few minutes before I actually start resembling a walk. Otherwise it looks like……well….you know when your kids have their GI Joes and Barbies how the dolls look as the kids grab them from the waist and pretend they are walking about? That’s me…all stiff legged and waddling.

Then there is the symphonic sounds of the daily body popping and cracking. These are always paired up with a low rumbling groan. First the ankles and knees do their pops and it slowly builds up into the back. Those have a higher pitch and tone until the almost cymbal quality of the neck. And remember those groans. It is quite the melody. All this just to reach my first cup of coffee for the day. There is an encore once I’ve mastered to not drop the coffeepot with my stiff, gnarly hands as I walk to my recliner and plop down there.

Then there is my hair. When I made the choice to not color my hair any longer instead letting my natural color and yes, grey come through, little did I know the grey would accelerate to the degree which it has. The only thing that keeps me from running to Clairol is the hubby and the kids claim to LOVE my grey. I believe them too which is the problem. I’m trying to hold out knowing I am going through this dreadful time of growing out a short haircut and am looking forward to the day I have long hair again. Long white tresses may be romanticized in my mind but I am willing to find out if it ends up being to my liking. Letting the hair grow out has been far more difficult then looking at the grey really. I keep envisioning Tyne Daly in her role on Judging Amy before she cut her gorgeous hair. It was long and grey and I thought it the prettiest thing I ever saw. There have been numerous other ladies, both on tv and off, who I’ve spotted with long grey hair and I think I shall enjoy it. Lets hope.

Should we start in on the wrinkles? Where the heck did they come from? Back when I was 60 pounds lighter they weren’t there. With all this extra weight shouldn’t they have actually not been able to happen given the "fill in" factor of the bulk? And I KNOW I used to have a singular chin once upon a time. Back in 2000 I went to a family reunion where relatives I had not seen in eons thought I was the youngest of the siblings. We were all present and they picked me as the youngest? For those unknowing ones out there….I am the oldest. This did not please my sisters let me tell you. When my daughter went into the service and her peers saw pictures of me they were impressed with how young I was. HAH! Gone are those days of youthful appearance. Gone are the days of feeling youthful too.

Ya know, I don’t mind getting old. It is better than the alternative, what I miss is physical strength. I was never much to look at so that isn’t something lost but I was one physically strong person. Strong like bull like most bohemian women. It gnaws on my pride when I have to have things like jar openers and now looking at getting an electric can opener because my hands won’t do the task any longer. Although I imagine I am largely to blame for the rapid deterioration of my hands given that back in my younger, wilder days I used to punch posts to show how tough I was. Tough? No. Stupid and numbed up from tequila? Yes.

The legs? A lot of time spent playing various sports and numerous bike accidents could be to blame for that. I was never a girlie-girl. I was as physical and tough as they came. I should have asked for a Barbie instead of a baseball mitt I guess.

I can blame genetics too. It is a long history of blood pressure issues in my family as to why I am on meds for that and the same with the cholesterol levels and why my blood should technically be considered a solid. I’ve never had a heart attack but the doctor has me on low dose aspirin because of my risk factors for stroke and heart attack. Is that a warm fuzzy or what?
But you know what? My dad died when he was 53. In five years I’ll be that age God willing. He grumbled and complained about his aches and pains too. He had a few heart attacks before that final one got him. I’m not sure he ever enjoyed himself. Now my mom on the other hand, she just turned 72. She has lived a hard life, has had a heart attack and cancer. Her needlework hobby has been taken from her because she has developed severe tremors and her mind drifts on occasion and financially she is getting-by and is inspiring in how she manages. But a happier woman cannot be found. She doesn’t let anything hold her down. Oh there was a time in her life where she was horribly oppressed but once she found freedom from that she never went back. When she loses one thing she ventures out and finds something else to replace it. THIS is what I want, the spirit and strength that she has. It is all about choice. I think I want to be like my Mama. I think I will start today.

Philippians 4:11

Fashion vs. Smart Sense

Another point for media and their dumbing down of America. I just got a glance of a news story about the Obama vs. McCain First Lady fashion sense. OY!! We should always weigh our voting leverage on what they are wearing huh folks?

Yes, I plan on voting, I always do, but I am going to be SO glad when this election is over!! I have nothing against either candidate. I already know who gets my vote. What I am so fired up sick about is the way the media continues to cover the darn thing. Am I the only one that misses Walter Cronkite? Is it possible to get unbiased reporting any more? How about the endless, scripted, manipulated, probably paid for volleying between the opponents of the news stations so as to get best coverage and ratings? Has nothing been learned from Dan Rathers fiasco?

Please news people, and I use that term loosely, start reporting facts that are pertinent. Stay out of their closets and bedrooms and what they did on their prom night 30 years ago. I don’t care and neither should you. We the people are intelligent enough to want the core issues, I wish you were.

Okay, enough of my little rant.

Still attempting to streamline around here. We have SO MUCH STUFF!!!!! Thankfully we haven’t been adding to it. This is a good. Well, unless you count the two extra puters in the house but those were charter school issued. It did mean coming up with another desk though. Instead of buying one we did manage to utilize what we had here. Kelsey painted and old door we had and placed it on two equipment racks with shelves and ended up with a better looking and more functional desk than the two previously purchased ones we have. I’m actually considering stealing it from her.

Still need to get fall/winter clothes out of storage. Why so soon? Because that is where my Packer wear is and I need it for the game in a few weeks. Hello!?!?

Had our frugal group last night. We viewed "Escape From Affluenza". I must admit it is my favorite of the two shows. There is so much to consider for alternatives to what we are used to doing. The norm just isn’t healthy. They even touched on how our current consumption rate isn’t even biblical. I like that.

Grumble, grumble, spit….time to get back to task. Everyone have a blessed and be a blessing day!!!!

Speaking

Well my dear daughter and son-in-law discovered by accident yesterday that there will be a Green Bay Packer and Denver Bronco pre-season game on the day I arrive in Colorado. I get a call from them asking me how tired I think I might be from my trip. They are wondering if I might be up to go see the game. Talk about a shot of adrenaline to my veins. Oh like I’d be too tired to see my boys play. Please! This is going to be totally awesome. We are even in the 12th row Packer side. Woohoo!!!

I see where blogspot now has zillions of gadgets I can add to my blog. I tried a couple but they have kind of a tacky quality to them so I got rid of most of them. I did of course save three…..one for my Packers, a daily bible verse and world clocks. The world clocks are set for three different areas. Number one clock is for Iraq, where my baby is going to be in a few weeks, number two is for Colorado, where my dear son-in-law is and the third is for Pennsylvania, where we are at. There is a 7 hour time difference between here and there. I’ll always be thinking around that while she is gone.

Oh there is a lot going on in my heart today. So much so that the head just can’t keep up with it. If I could wrap my head around it I’m not sure I would be able to share it here anyway. Some things are only between heart and Spirit. It is the Spirit that is the only one that can translate the language of the heart. For me to try to verbalize that core of my being and what it is feeling would be pointless. I’m not able to. But I can close my eyes, allow my heart to open, know the Spirit hears it and I can wait for the Spirit to speak to me. The tears I shed are part of the surrender. Even speaking of Spirit in my limited language is not adequate. Spirit isn’t a ‘the’ Spirit is who. But I’m probably getting more confusing as I type so I think I shall just close my eyes some more and let my heart speak.

May God’s rich blessings be poured out on you all.

True Wealth

The kids and I got to jawing on a few morsels about the condition of our existence of late. I have been fretting about and getting all worked up about our present financial situation. Now don’t get me wrong. We are ok….but we are in a state that neither Bob nor I like. We are currently carrying a balance on a credit card and it…well…it pisses us off. We haven’t paid a cent in interest yet but we know next month we will since I only paid off half the balance this month. Grrrr. Now I won’t go into all the happenings that brought about this condition because I know everyone out there knows that poop happens. We just hit our first outhouse of events.

Anyway….the kids and I got to talking how since we reached this point we have been reverting back to more creative practices in entertaining ourselves. I wouldn’t say ‘creative’….just common sense, more basic, simple. The very best kind, such as the picnic for Bob’s birthday. We are not running to movies or out to restaurants or to amusement parks. Instead we are planning outings that don’t cost a dime but have thought and interaction going on. We are playing catch again, games, story telling. Wonderful bits of simple joy. Stuff we, the kids and I, did when we were too poor to think anything beyond picnics. Now we can look back and see just how rich we were.

I am GRATEFUL…..yes grateful that we found ourselves in this little snaggle. I’m not going to fret about it anymore instead choosing to see it as the blessing it truly is. All five of us have had our eyes opened again to what is really important. We’ve always been close but we have allowed ourselves to complacently be dragged along into the world of ‘entertainment’ instead of recreation and DEEP relationship. I know I dabbled in writing about this very sort of thing once before only I was blind to how ensnared we had become. Isn’t God good to have given us this gift?

Even cooking is fun again. I’m planning out menus again, taking inventory of our shelves and freezer and coming up with simple meals. Ok…cheap meals. But they are belly fillers. And I’m baking bread again on a regular basis. Even Zoe has mastered bread baking and she is loving it. I’m looking into what craft things I can get started on again. Also sorting through in my mind what sort of bedcovers I can make instead of buy. I am using my mind and hands again instead of the internet catalog of choices. Talk about feel good.

I pray we never lose this treasure again.

Bob's Birthday

Okay...I have had a few attempts on posting pics to the blog today of Bob's birthday. I am NOT techie smart. I nearly started tossing around expletives. Anyway....I FINALLY got a slideshow to work. Taa-daa!!! That can be found on the left and these are pics of the picnic we had this afternoon. A three hour window of time where all five of us could be together.

That wasn't, of course, the only time we spent celebrating Bob's birthday. But it was the most complete time.

It was a blessed and wonderful day! Happy 53rd Birthday my Love!!!!

Promises

Last night was a gift. After having had a horrible day, not because of anything happening you understand, but purely my state of mind, the ending of the day was a cleansing. We were about to set out to "task" once again when for some reason I was drawn to the patio. Usually I spend a great deal of time on the deck but this season I haven’t even done that. And typically I also spend a lot of time on the patio but as I sat on the glider it dawned on me that this was the first time this season I had done that. What has kept me from this? As I was seated the air temp was cooling off. I even had a thermometer there to confirm it. Just as I was asking myself why I was wasting valuable time sitting out there a hummingbird appeared. I couldn’t help but smile and I thanked God right then and there. The hummingbird proceeded to do its little cha-cha dance at the feeder. Upon looking just past him I saw where Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal were at the feeders beyond along with some finches. Below those were some morning doves. I could feel myself relaxing in the moment.

Listening to the bird sounds and the whisper of leaves in the breeze I became aware of another low sound, distant thunder. I walked around to the west side of the house and sure enough there were dark clouds approaching. I stood there as it approached feeling the wind picking up and pushing on me. It was heavenly. The clouds hadn’t even released a drop of rain yet but the temperature change was enough to make the grass moist beneath my feet. I watched the boil of the clouds and then closed my eyes as the front had finally penetrated through. When I felt my first drop of rain I decided to go back into the house to watch the storm. It was a gentle storm, more than a mere rain but less than an assault. It maybe lasted 20 minutes when along the west edge you could see clearing and the sun reemerge. I knew full well it was time to run to the east side of the house and sure enough….a rainbow. As the sun grew stronger so did that rainbow. Zoe said we should go look for the pot of gold but I told her I was more than happy to settle for God’s promise. It was then I became aware that my tension, anger and frustration I had been carrying with me throughout the day was gone. Once again I thanked God.

So, this morning I feel calm and fit to be seen in the world. I see now where I have been fretting and worrying so much about certain things that I haven’t taken time to see the blessings and promises all around me. All that fretting is just me holding on too tight to things a body has no right to hold on to. It is time to trust the Giver of those gifts and the plan He has.

Screaming Out

Call me a cynic but sitting here today I got to thinking about communication. Or the lack of rather. Maybe lack is a bad word. Perhaps we haven’t the talent to communicate anymore. We have umpteen different mediums in which to "communicate" but we are not hearing one another or sharing the heart. We have the good old telephone and now the cell version which travels with us wherever we go. There is the internet with email and IM~ing and a whole new cyber language to go with it. It is all shortened up and lacking substance. Gone are the old fashion longhand written letters of yesteryear. These were treasures that had been deemed worthy of saving and we even find some in museums and added to books. Starting in the 90’s on forward everything has pretty much been deleted so future generations won’t have that to ponder over and get insight to who we were.

Does this hurried, self-absorbed way we have found ourselves in also cross over in the kinds of face to face conversations we have? In many of my experiences it has. Church seems to be the only place I have found lately that is conducive to deep communicating. Outside of that we still seem to be ruled by the psychologies and philosophies of this present world. Most of which is brought to us not by Plato or even that lost rascal Freud, but now we get our personal make-up from what is fed to us from that soul sucking medium television. Do we really want future generations to weigh us based on the Jerry Springers and Paris Hiltons of today? Scary thought isn’t it?

Ok, now lets narrow that vision down into something more defined. Our homes. How are we communicating with our spouses, our children? Do we bring the media influences into our responses? Do we also bring in the cutthroat, competitive professional world into it? When we stand back objectively to look at that can we honestly say it translates well into the home?
I know my husband admits to having trouble turning off his business ear when he and I communicate. He is a black and white get to the facts sort of person at work and he sometimes brings that home. That is not a good relationship tool. It is great if one thrives in conflict. He admits to having a delete button in his head. What he deems as unimportant gets deleted and he will not recall it no matter how much you try to reboot that program. We all can identify with that analogy I’m sure. That screaming at the monitor pounding your head into the keyboard frustration.

How do you feel media exposure has influenced the way our kids communicate with us and visa versa? You just winced didn’t you?

I’m sitting here doing what I’m professing to not liking. I’m hurrying through this entry because I have so many other things I need to get to. As a result I am not communicating effectively what it is I’m trying to convey. This happened last night between Bob and me. I started sharing with him the pain I have been feeling lately and instead of taking each other by the hand and going for a walk to talk, we ended up getting busy with task because "these things HAVE to get done." So, what happens? The feelings get pushed down, stuffed in deep to fester. What could have been used as a time for closeness and healing instead made distance and resentment for both of us.

Why am I so frank in saying that? Because we need to, all of us, recognize what it is we are doing to ourselves and one another when we let the world become more important than the relationship we have with one another and God. We need to get honest with ourselves about these sorts of things. The society as a whole tends to flow on a certain tide for so long it is marked as acceptable and normal. Never mind that that flow is swirling us down a drain.


Hey, it’s election year. If that isn’t a poster child for communication dysfunction I don’t know what is.