Fueling up

I am in a mood. Not the good type either. I try to take moments to pause and talk to God but when the day is so filled with task it can be difficult. That’s why I’m here now. I’m not going to successfully get through the tasks in my day if I don’t stop and refocus first. I’ve prayed and now I am here. Therapy. Fueling up so I can be effective elsewhere.

The battle I fight is with myself. I am blessed in so many ways and yet those blessings can be marred by expectations I place on them. I’m blessed to be, for the most part, a stay-at-home mom. Not just that but a homeschooling mom. How great is that? Yet the pressure I put on myself on what I think we should be accomplishing in school can be knee buckling. I don’t want to fail these girls. Never mind that Erin graduated from home and has excelled in everything she has set out to do. But is that due to her schooling or to the fact she was blessed with a natural aptitude? She could be a fluke? I have to be careful that my driven need to not fail them doesn’t end up being their burden. A burden that could take away their desire to learn.

Then there is the house. Because of wanting to do more in school the housework takes a hit. Now I know I have mentioned before that I have learned to be more relaxed about that and that I was setting my priorities in order but lets get real. When a person is used to having a home in a certain way it is really hard to get used to the more, shall we say, relaxed conditions of the home. Add to that the fact that I encouraged, okay whined for the two cats and two dogs we have, which also adds to the mussed up conditions. Do you have any idea how much fur those four can produce? AND….I insist we use our woodstove. So, with the four pets, five humans and a woodstove there is a losing battle with dust. Pick any day and you could stop over here and write your name on any piece of furniture in the house. Well, maybe not the desk. But that is only because it is so heaped up with paperwork that there isn’t bare surface for dust to reach. Argh!!!

I’m supposed to be exercising. I just turned and looked. My daughter has her coat and purse hanging on my treadmill. She does this daily. Why? Because she knows it isn’t in the way because I never get around to using it. The universal gym in the garage? Same thing. Items have piled up on it. In the evenings when I have time to sit I find myself pausing at the Fit TV channel. It is only a pause though. It’s time to flip through the channels and give my thumb a more vigorous workout on the remote.

I have numerous craft projects I have started and that lay in different stages of completion. Ok, the word completion should not be used. That is only good for something “completed”. Although, I have been good about not starting any more projects this year at least. It being January 22nd I’m thinking I am well on my way to a newly developed habit. Yippee for me. Grunt.

But you know, sitting here thinking about it further, it is only I who really give a rats butt about this sort of thing. I can be sitting here overweight, in my mess of a house stressing out over lesson plans and regardless my kids and husband love me. Actually, they find me humorous. Oh yes, I seem to be a great source of amusement for them. Actually, one of my favorite things is how much this family laughs. And we talk. Really talk. I get the impression from many others that conversation is rare in other households. Those neat as pin households with the size 8 mom and Ivy League students. Is there some sort of trade-off? Hmmm. If so then I think I would rather change my mindset and attitude right now and thank God for my messy house, wide derriere and kids who hate math. I’d rather we all be laughing.

Thank you God….for opening my eyes…..yet again.